Saturday, November 22, 2014

Almost But Not Quite.

A year and eight months have passed. Until now, you are still the one who holds my heart. That, I finally admit. I still find myself stealing glances at your way. I still look for you in a sea of people even if I know that you do not have any reason to be there. It is still very naive for me to think that you would come back. That you would come back for me. But I know the truth now. I know perfectly well why this feeling of mine lasted for so long. I could only come up with this conclusion.
I could feel myself almost falling deeper for you, but not quite.
I guess that there are millions of reasons why I should give up on you. As of the moment, I can only think of the following reasons.

First, I know that falling for you would only lead a person like me to self-destruct. The feeling will always be one sided. With me, giving you all the love I can. And you, none at all. 

Second, I am NOT ready. I am not in the right place to fall. You are far too perfect to be a safe place to land.

Third, I know that I am made for a better purpose rather than just to chase after someone who won't ever feel the same way for me. Romantic love is not my priority. Instead, it is after God's love that I should chase after. 

Fourth, I know better now. I honestly do not believe in love the way I used to before. At this age and time, I realized that the world is not an Enchanted Forest, wherein I am Snow White and you are Prince Charming. And you, my prince, love me so much that you would always find me wherever I am, no matter what the circumstances are. We do not live in a world where true love exists easily. The world has grown too harsh. True love will only exist once you worked hard on it. It takes effort and time. It takes so much more than a true love's kiss or knight in shining armors, that I know now.

Lastly, I am no damsel in distress but rather a girl with superpowers to be able to handle people like you and the world's chaos all at the same time. You don't need to save me. You won't need a white horse once you come running back for me. You are no prince. Just a foolish boy who failed to see through a one-of-a-kind girl like me.