tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56817061185543580402024-02-18T22:03:08.505-08:00 Core Of Stars And The Spaces In Between.Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.comBlogger63125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-7913132353479960172014-11-22T03:12:00.003-08:002014-11-22T03:21:19.686-08:00Almost But Not Quite.A year and eight months have passed. Until now, you are still the one who holds my heart. That, I finally admit. I still find myself stealing glances at your way. I still look for you in a sea of people even if I know that you do not have any reason to be there. It is still very naive for me to think that you would come back. That you would come back for me. But I know the truth now. I know perfectly well why this feeling of mine lasted for so long. I could only come up with this conclusion.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I could feel myself almost falling deeper for you, but not quite.</b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I guess that there are millions of reasons why I should give up on you. As of the moment, I can only think of the following reasons.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
First, I know that falling for you would <b>only lead </b>a person like me to<b> self-destruct</b>. The feeling will<b> always </b>be <b>one sided.</b> With me, giving you all the love I can. And you, <b>none </b>at all. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Second, I am <b>NOT </b>ready. I am not in the right place to fall. You are far too perfect to be <b>a safe place to land.</b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Third, I know that I am<b> made for a better purpose</b> rather than just to <b>chase after someone who won't ever feel the same way for me.</b> Romantic love is<u> not</u> my priority. <b><i>Instead, it is after God's love that I should chase after. </i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Fourth, I know <b>better</b> now. I honestly <i><u>do not believe in love</u></i> the way I<strike> used to before</strike>. At this age and time, I realized that the world is not an Enchanted Forest, wherein I am Snow White and you are Prince Charming. And you, my prince, love me so much that you would <b>always find me wherever I am, no matter what the circumstances are.</b> We <b>do not</b> live in a world where<b> true love </b>exists easily. The world has grown too harsh. <b>True love will only exist once you worked hard on it.</b> It takes effort and time. It <b><u><i>takes so much more than a true love's kiss or knight in shining armors,</i></u></b> that I<b> know</b> now.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Lastly,<b><i> I am no damsel in distress but rather a girl with superpowers to be able to handle people like you and the world's chaos all at the same time.</i></b> You <b>don't</b> need to save me. You won't need a white horse once you come running back for me.<b> You are no prince</b>. <i>Just a<b> foolish</b> boy who<b> failed</b> to see through a one-of-a-kind girl like <b>me</b>.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-56059032640797633102014-05-10T06:12:00.002-07:002014-05-10T06:13:46.416-07:00Prom.<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
Today, I watched Disney's Prom again. And it made me miss school. It also left me hanging. </div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
Prom. Four letters that depict that one night. One night when you could just forget about the world for a while. That one night when everything else won't matter. </div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
Well, I would have loved to have experienced prom. But then, in our school, it's just not possible. I guess I am just kinda envious of those who experienced it. I mean, come on, it's prom. I wanted to be part of something like that. I wouldn't mind if I went alone. I just want to be there and witness it all happening.</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
I could already imagine it. People dancing and laughing and singing their hearts out. I would be there at the background smiling and feeling infinite to have witnessed this scene. Or I could be also part of the crowd, we'd be dancing and laughing. </div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
~An Alternate Ending~</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
If I had someone with me during that one night, then I'll remember and treasure that person forever. I'll remember that time when he asked me. I'll remember that time when he picked me up at my house and asked for my parents' permission. I'll remember that time when he opened up the door for me. And how he took my hand and led the way. And how he smiled sheepishly at me. And how we danced with the stars twinkling above us. And how it felt awkward to wrap my arms around your neck. And how I looked into your eyes and how you looked into mine and how I knew that you'll always have a place in my heart.</div>
</div>
Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-44906816087332517632014-05-09T07:07:00.002-07:002014-05-09T07:12:29.531-07:00Some People Leave. Some people leave and never come back. They leave without saying goodbye. They were lured into the thought that leaving would be best, it was the right thing to do. And when you are involved with a person like that, I believe that what's left for you to do is just to let go. You have no choice. You have to accept the fact that some things are just meant to stay temporarily. When this happens, just smile and walk away. Smile, because that may be the last time that you'll see whoever that person is. Walk away, because if you stay, you'll get hurt.<br />
<br />
Some people leave and then come back. When all has been said and done, and you finally got a hang of things, this person just comes back. At first glance, you were so happy that you were given the chance to see each other again. Without thinking, you might have even considered welcoming that person with open arms, but then you remember. You remember it all too well. And that, that hinders you from just going with the flow.<br />
<br />
Some people leave because they got hurt. You may have been one of those who did the hurting that it was too much for that person. Or you may have mixed feelings about this person's absence. There may have been those times when you actually liked every moment well spent with that person. But there have also been those times when you regretted everything you said and did. When that person leaves, you feel that sting coming from your very own heart. It hurts. Just a little bit. But you know that it'll never be enough to make you stop that person from leaving.<br />
<br />
Some people leave and all you could do is watch them. You could have wanted to wave goodbye or at least smile at them but you didn't have enough courage to do it so you ended up just watching them. As that person leaves, all you could ever think of are those movie scene moments. All those moments that only you would remember. That other person wouldn't even bother because for them it was just a normal day. When the person is halfway gone, you watch them more closely. Then, that would be it. You'll be mouthing, "Goodbye." and you walk away. You walk away with the thought that maybe it will work. Someday.Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-5395293246694382812014-04-23T05:34:00.000-07:002014-04-23T05:34:19.854-07:00Thoughts?I guess I never really know what to say. When it comes to you, I just don't know.<br />
<br />
If you ever come across this post, I hope that you'll understand why I said those words. Or why I don't talk to you. Or why I avoided you.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
You. I don't really know you. I mean, I know your name and all those basic stuff, but I don't know you. And I guess, there's this part of me that wanted to know you more. I wanted to know what your favorite word is or how you felt when you read a certain kind of book or which movies you like best or what you think of the sunset and the stars. I wanted to know you. And it sucks because I can't seem to get a grip of those thoughts. I can't get a grip of myself when you're there.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Why I don't talk to you? And why I feel really awkward around you? I guess its just the way I wanted it to be. I don't want you to know how I feel. Because if that happens, I know that I wouldn't get the answer that I wanted. It'll just hurt. And that would be just sad. Although, I wanted to talk to you, I don't want to be the first one to start the conversation. I wanted you to talk to me.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Goodbye. I guess, we'll see what happens next. </div>
Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-89421417458195221972014-03-18T21:35:00.000-07:002014-03-18T21:35:29.957-07:00I Want To See You Be Brave.In a rain forest, right across the outskirts of town, a white bunny lived in a tree house. The white bunny has delicate fur. Its eyes are the brightest of its kind. The bunny has a passion for arts and loves the color pink. In the tree house where she lived with her family for years now, she didn't feel the warmth. Instead, she felt the absence of heat, coldness caving in.<br />
<br />
I was but a passerby who longed to have helped the white bunny. In ways, I have, I think. I talked to her, asked her about her life. But these, I know, wouldn't suffice. I hope she knows how much I want to help her. Upon being friends with her, I realized how much life was making it hard for her. Happiness, I wish I could give her. Comfort, I wish I could have gave her more.<br />
<br />
There was once an afternoon when we had a talk. Not just a simple easy conversation, but a real one. I opened up to her so that we'd both understand what we both are going through as of the moment. I noticed she let her walls down. That time, I felt so grateful. I realized I was kind of like her. We both felt vastness in life. We both want to just be happy, no worries, no regrets.<br />
<br />
Months passed, and I don't know what happened to the white bunny. I haven't had the time and effort to talk to her. But this, I promise myself, the next time I see her, I'll make sure she's okay. I will make certain to her that I'll always be a friend that she can count on always. That I won't judge her like the other people did.<br />
<br />
I want to see you be brave, white bunny. I want to see you happy, regardless of the uncertainty that you feel. I want to see you stand up for yourself. I want to see you be strong enough to face life head up. Be brave, white bunny. Be brave and I bet it'll do you good.Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-74812643256202827352014-03-18T02:26:00.002-07:002014-03-18T21:22:29.116-07:00Someday.The most common lie in the world is when you say, "I'm fine."<br />
<br />
Well, its something that I've been saying for the past few years. I guess, growing up also means that you have to take things lightly. Feeling deeply hurts. Wherein feeling lightly and expecting nothing is much better.<br />
<br />
I don't remember when the "I'm fine." sensation started. I only know that I say it when I am already tired of explaining the same thing over and over. Sometimes, upon hearing that, people would walk away. Sometimes, they just stay and keep you company. I don't know which one is better. Because there have been times when I just wanted to be alone and keep things to myself. But then, there were also times when I felt to vulnerable that I needed company. I needed someone who could just stay there by my side and hear me out.<br />
<br />
Lucky me, I know that He's there. Its nice to know that at the end of the day, no matter what happens, it is all planned. The only trouble I'm facing is that I don't really understand almost everything that happens. I lay in bed at night praying for answers. Answers that would suffice the questions I have in my head.<br />
<br />
Someday, I wish that I could understand why things happen. Both the good and the bad.<br />
<br />
Someday, I wish that I will find what I'm looking for.<br />
<br />
Someday, I hope that I will have someone who could just stay by my side and never leave.<br />
<br />
Someday, I hope that I will be strong enough to face my problems.<br />
<br />
Someday, I hope that I will learn to put some of my walls down, enough to let the right people in.<br />
<br />
Someday, I'll look back at all this and tell myself that , "I know now."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-89077711884062113862014-03-16T17:34:00.000-07:002014-03-16T17:34:36.465-07:00You Don't Know Me. You Don't Even Care. (The Boy Who Never Knew)That right there is a line from one of my favorite songs. That song is entitled Boston by Augustana.<br />
From the magnificent start of the intro up to the very last end, this song wraps up my thoughts about someone. The boy who never noticed.<br />
<br />
I guess its because its summer again and that signaled that it has been a year. A year that passed me by, a year that served as a test, if it would work, sadly, nothing happened. To which I say, well at least it'll be over soon. Now that I am ready to accept <i><b>the ugly truth</b></i>. <b>The truth that I <u>knew in the back of my mind</u>, it was right there, everyday and in every way. The truth that I didn't want to<u> accept</u>. The truth that kept me from you. The truth that you'll always be the boy who never knew. </b><br />
<br />
No hard feelings could ever fill up my heart. That, I'm sure of. Besides, the next time I see you, I hope that I could muster up my courage and face you with my head held high. And with that, I'll be able to prove to myself that I indeed learned from the past. <u>No tears, no regrets, just the act of moving forward and acceptance. </u><br />
<br />
The boy who never noticed. You probably didn't know just how lucky you were. As the Taylor Swift song goes, <u>'All the other girls, well they're beautiful, but would they write a song for you?'.</u> I laugh at that thought. But its true. I wrote one for you. Unfortunately, its left undone. I don't know how to end it. <i>How could you possibly say goodbye to someone who you could never say hello to? </i>How could you finish a song that's all made up of a series of never ending coincidences that made it harder to forget?<b> How could you forget someone who gave you so much to remember?</b><br />
<br />
<b>The thing is that ours is a perfect ending to reality.</b> Reality in life that could not be written on a story book. Reality that could only be depicted by words that I can't contain. The words I couldn't say. The words that I put up together to convey this message to you.<br />
<br />
<i style="font-weight: bold; text-decoration: underline;">You don't know me. You don't even care.</i> <b><i><u>You don't know me. You don't wear my chains. </u></i></b><br />
<b><i><strike>That's exactly how you made me feel. The feeling of never being enough. The feeling that I didn't know existed. The feeling that you were all wrong for me. That's for you. The boy who never knew.</strike></i></b><br />
<b><i><u><br /></u></i></b>
<b><i><u><br /></u></i></b>
<b><i><u><br /></u></i></b>Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-12789141821219147102014-03-06T02:54:00.001-08:002014-03-06T02:54:48.661-08:00Thoughts. Normally, I would start a blog post by saying 'hey' or 'hi', much like what I would say to start a conversation. The truth is, I write like I talk. Mostly. Sometimes, there are just words you couldn't contain -words that no matter how hard you try, you just can't say. During those sometimes, I find myself writing. It helps me release what I feel -whether good or bad-.<br />
Thoughts? I have. LOTS. Much more than I could write about. There are endless thoughts that I think about. Sometimes it just becomes too much that my head aches. Too much that it sums up to everything in my life. From all those good times, bad times, movie-scene moments and a lot more. I guess its just a part of being a human.<br />
Well, I'll depart from all these and just tell you my thoughts while blogging this.<br />
<br />
Coffee.<br />
Don't you just love the smell of brewed coffee? :D Honestly, I like coffee more than milk. I just like it because of the taste, the way it warms up my heart, the vibe that it brings that relaxes me. I drink a cup of coffee while I study. :))<br />
<br />
Love.<br />
Someone asked me what my favorite word is. But at that time I didn't have any. Now, I have one. This four letter word is my favorite. It is the only word that cannot be defined exactly. :P<br />
<br />
Pretty Little Liars.<br />
My favorite tv show. :) I have always wondered who 'A' is.<br />
<br />
<br />Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-80997684727026233972014-03-04T06:05:00.003-08:002014-03-04T06:05:49.713-08:00With Love That Can't Cease To Grow.That line caught my heart. That's just it. It took one glance, then I fell for it. Oh boy, I did.<br />
<br />
I guess even if I keep looking back at that poem that you wrote, I will never figure out just who you wrote it for. And you don't know how much I want to know who it is. Its a bit redundant. But, I really wonder the inspiration behind it. You wrote it with so much passion, so much love.<br />
<br />
I liked the last four stanzas best. It seemed to me like they depicted just how people feel. All the emotions colliding in a very insane manner. With every thought, with every emotion, I felt you. Its strange. I don't know you at all. And yet somehow, even with that thought in mind, I felt for once I had the right to pinpoint who you are -really. I realized how I looked at you a thousand times but never really saw you. I may have seen the 'you' outside and somehow inside too. But I guess you're much like a satire. You hide behind the truth. You hide by faking laughs and forcing smiles. And I guess, despite all that success, you feel that sadness. By 'that sadness' I mean that you may have felt like your life was planned ahead of you. It was like you had no control of your life. Like every move you make, every word you say, you have to be very careful.<br />
<br />
But don't worry, you. I hope that you'll find your happiness<strike>. Well, there's this wishful thinking that I will be a part of it, but time will tell. At least that's what I know.</strike> Also, I wish that the person who inspired you to write that poem will know just how lucky she is that you did what you did. I would actually like to praise you for being a hopeful romantic. :) I wish I had that strength in me -the strength that you have.<br />
<br />
With love that can't cease to grow. Just like ours. Just like ours.<br />
<br />
<br />Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-17340326926403484252014-02-22T02:57:00.000-08:002014-02-22T02:57:02.152-08:00The P Word. Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever. And I hate to admit it, but forever is an awfully long time. Pain lingers as we grow, I believe. This further discourages you to be brave and take a leap of faith. With time, it will subside -just not everything. Like a footprint on the sand, it may last for a short while but it sure will last forever if people keep leaving. So, don't quit. So what if you got hurt? Everybody's been there. We are not subjected to be living inside a storybook. We are meant to get hurt and take pain as a weapon. A weapon that is always there to hurt us and make us stronger. A weapon that will lead us to where we're meant to go. A weapon necessary for life -pain.Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-33453001589716399832013-12-30T07:38:00.000-08:002013-12-30T07:38:37.101-08:00Bye Bye, 2013!!!Hey there. I apologize by the way. I know I've been posting pathetic stuff lately. I really am very sorry. I hope you understand though. I guess its a teen phase that I'm going through.<br />
<br />
Years come and go. People aren't designed to remember every detail of their lives per year. And yes, I am one of those who think this sucks. I mean, I guess its nice to forget the things that you want to forget, but it would be really cool to remember just about everything, right?<br />
<br />
This year brought a lot of the good stuff despite of all the bad stuff that it brought along with all those -good stuff. On the bright side, this year I learned so much. With the help of my friend Kath, I learned how to play the volleyball. I still remember how I struggled to learn but it was worth it. I won't ever forget how she named me the "moon player" in the team. Well, I improved a lot according to her. In either ways, I hope she knows how grateful I am that she taught me how to play. With Faith, my other friend, I learned how to dance. It also helped that I started to dance last summer, this happened as I helped in our church's Vacation Bible School. They needed back up dancers and I landed the job. I would love to put up all my 'learnings' this year but I'm afraid I'd bore you into details. :))<br />
<br />
The bad stuff also happened. Unfortunately, I still am hanging by a thread in my Math subject. I don't blame my teacher. I mean if anything, she's nothing but a big help with all the troubles I'm having. I'm striving hard to get my average to meet the standards. Not to brag but, I'm doing pretty well with all my other subjects except Math. Well, I hope I pass because I think that I really deserve it. I worked really hard. Also, that includes fighting off the urge of giving up and sleepless nights of studying all the needed formulas and practicing online just to have a fair score in quizzes. The last part didn't pay off though. I hardly passed any quiz.<br />
<br />
In a nutshell, this is a fair year. The only thing is that I didn't get a hang of my spending habit yet. Right now, I only have a few bucks left. Its not that I'd starve or anything, its just I find it really hard to go somewhere and not buy something. I hate to admit, but buying books using my allowance really made a hole in my wallet. Recently, I bought all the five books in the The Mortal Instruments Series. I started reading it 22nd of December and finished it by today. It was worth reading and I will read it again in summer although it made me spend my January allowance leaving only a few bucks. Whether it be nice pens or notebooks or books or some vintage stuff or any guitar accessory, that's when I can't resist to spend. Well, I hope I could get rid of my spending habit this coming year.<br />
<br />
Good and bad things happen every year. What I learned is that God does everything for a reason. With everything that I've been through this year, I thank Father for always being there to listen and help me. He never failed to show me the way to find Light even through the darkest of times. Thank You, Lord.<br />
<br />
That's it, I guess. Bye bye, 2013!Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-35369608909421996442013-12-18T19:35:00.001-08:002013-12-18T19:35:16.718-08:00That Photo.I don't like hurting myself. But I found myself looking at that photo over and over again. You were with her. And, that photo made me realize how we just couldn't be.<br />
<br />
Its sad, isn't it? Liking someone who won't ever like you back. I know I've been wasting my time daydreaming that in some way we could. But now, I had concluded the answer. That is impossible. In another time, in another place, maybe it will. Just maybe.<br />
<br />
However, its so ironic how when I wanted to see you, I don't see you. Now that I don't want to see you, I always do.Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-38213735375067284002013-12-18T04:54:00.000-08:002013-12-18T04:54:01.266-08:00I Walked Away.These are the reasons why I walked away.<br />
<br />
Dear person-who-I-actually-liked-but-I-caused-you-pain,<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
When I told you that, I was telling the truth. I was feeling the same way. At that time, I was sure of what I felt. But then, life happened. My feelings changed. And, I'm sorry for hurting you. I want you to know that that is one thing I swear I never wanted to do. But despite all that, I did anyway. And, I am really sorry.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Thank you for forgiving me for all I've done to you. Up to this time, I still feel the guilt pounding on me. Until now, I haven't told you the truth. My reason is that, I don't want you to have false hope. I don't want to hurt you again. This is because I know how it feels like to be hurt. I know how it feels like to like someone who doesn't like you back. But, you're wrong. I liked you too. I just didn't want our friendship to be ruined. I was selfish enough to want to hurt you so that I could keep you.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am grateful for you. I won't forget how you smiled in that photo. I won't forget how you carried my stuff. I won't forget how you made me feel wanted. I won't forget how you were my source of happiness when were 12. I won't forget how you took care of me when I was sick. Lastly, I won't forget how you carried me on your back even when I was heavy. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Lots of love, </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Me. </div>
Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-5173090074322364122013-12-18T04:40:00.001-08:002013-12-18T04:40:58.827-08:00How Could I Not Fall For You.How could I not fall for you<br />
When you've fallen for me<br />
<br />
How could I not see through<br />
When you're right in front of me<br />
<br />
How could I not treasure you<br />
When I know you care for me<br />
<br />
How could I be blinded<br />
When you were the sunshine who gave me the reason to smile<br />
<br />
How could I ever forgive myself for what I've done to you<br />
When I always hurt you though I never wanted to<br />
<br />
How could I not fall for you<br />
When you've given me all the reasons to like you too<br />
<br />Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-62415082609792596902013-12-18T04:34:00.000-08:002013-12-18T04:34:11.608-08:00Sadly, I Will Never Be. Sadly, I will never be your Gwen Stacy<br />
All I ever was, was a passerby<br />
<br />
Sadly, I will never be the one to pour you coffee<br />
All I ever was, was an acquaintance<br />
<br />
Sadly, we can never be meant to be<br />
All I ever was, was the lonesome girl in the movies<br />
<br />
Sadly, I will never be the one to sing you to sleep<br />
All I ever was, was the one who wanted you to be happy<br />
<br />
Sadly, I will never be your queen<br />
All I ever was, was a damsel in distress<br />
<br />
Sadly, I will never be the one for you<br />
All I ever was, was an ordinary hue<br />
<br />
Sadly, I will never be the one to see the stars with you<br />
All I ever was, was the one who longed for you<br />
<br />
Sadly, I will never be the one to share memories with you<br />
All I ever was, was the one not meant for youJassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-54496807349797350012013-12-09T22:44:00.003-08:002013-12-09T22:44:35.563-08:00How I Never Wanted To Give Up<br />
I never meant to feel dumb<br />
I never meant to fail<br />
I never meant to cause you disappointment<br />
I never meant to make you sad<br />
<br />
All the choices I made, I wasn't being careful<br />
I try to, Heaven knows I did<br />
I did the best I could<br />
But as you see, it's never enough<br />
<br />
Expectations I had for myself were achievable<br />
You never expected something from me<br />
But I wanted to reward you in that way<br />
I wanted to make you proud<br />
<br />
All I was as a kid was a smart one, you could tell<br />
Now I am a bit grown up, I am not so sure<br />
I want to prove myself<br />
I want to be happy again<br />
<br />
But how could I be happy<br />
This world is tearing me down<br />
I stumble and I fell over and over<br />
I just want it to end.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-23590926305247580542013-11-06T02:28:00.003-08:002013-11-06T02:42:53.063-08:00Those Days And Nights I Felt Infinite.We rode a boat amidst the dark night. The core of stars above covered us with warmth against the cold wind. The trees, on the other hand, swayed and gave off a happy vibe. I sat there on the boat feeling the night. I felt so infinite as my hair flowed in the night. The wind brushed off my shoulders and it felt great. I hear a laughter. That laughter which I can't seem to get off my mind. As we reach our destination for the night, I see a light. That light signaled our entrance.<b> That light gave me a hope</b>. A <i><b>hope of a new beginning, brewing like a hot coffee against a cold, stormy night.</b></i><br />
<br />
That day started out great. I woke up with a smile on my face, the usual. I see the sun rising and it felt great to watch it for a while. I praise God who created such magnificent things. It made me feel so <i>infinite. I thought to myself, " How could I not be thankful for everything?" and "How could bad things make me hate the world in a way?" </i>Looking at the beautiful scene right outside of my yellow-painted room's window, I realized that I should be happy. That I could be happy. I promised that to myself.<br />
<br />Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-90929488571893093992013-09-30T07:37:00.000-07:002013-10-11T06:15:25.775-07:00Something I've Held Onto For A While. Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." This is one of my favorite verses. Thus, this is the verse that I hold onto for a while.<br />
<br />
I have a lot of things that I want to do. I want to chase after my dreams. Although, as of now, I am encountering problems (mostly in Math) and I feel like my chances are fading. I've tried so hard but it just won't work. I've done so much work. I've spent hours studying it. The results, however are not so good at all. This discourages me. I know that its my fault for being overly careless but still how could this be? I thought to myself, "How could this be in God's plan?" and "Why am I keep on failing?". I just don't understand. Because of my low grade in Math, my average is pulled down. Its like everything I've worked hard for didn't even matter. It just hurts.<br />
<br />
I believe that He answered it by the said verse. Whenever I think of negative stuff, it just goes off in my mind. It steadies my fragile human heart. The heart scares easily. In the back of my mind, I know that worrying won't have good effects on me. It will take action for something to change.<br />
<br />
Folks, if you are going through something hard right now, hold onto this verse or any verse that you want.<br />
Hold onto God who has plans for you. Hold onto Him during the happy times and the sad ones. Tell Him your thoughts. Thank Him for this wonderful life He has given you. Hold onto Him.<br />
<br />
I hope that I won't give up. There are a lot of instances where I felt like giving up, but something in me just wants to keep on going. I don't know but despite all the bad stuff, I feel happy. I feel lighter.<br />
<br />
Whatever it is that will happen, I hope that I'll be able to accept it. Whether it be good or bad, I just have to remind myself that God has a plan. Whatever it is, I know that at the end of the day, God's plan will suit me perfectly.Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-38127554480007421782013-09-21T21:21:00.001-07:002013-09-21T21:21:58.791-07:00Endless Thoughts.Apart from my over thinking, I guess everything<i> has changed</i> a lot. These days, I felt<b> lighter and free</b>. I don't know if it's because of me <i>letting go of the things that blinded me before</i>. I have <b>a problem of putting colors to things that make them special</b>. But then, something opened my eyes to <b>a whole new world. A whole new world where I was loved and I was free of the burden that I use to carry. </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I used to envy people who have things that I don't have. It was never about the material things, that was for sure. I envy them. I <i>envy how they can defend themselves with words and physically</i>. Instead, I was the one who<i> had endless words</i> on my mind. Mostly, I<strike> hid</strike> them. Although they don't appear as that, I do.<br />
<br />
Whenever I was <i>silent </i>or anything, people would think that I am sad or disappointed. Truth is, I'm not. At some instances, maybe I was, but mostly its because I am <i>currently</i> thinking about something. <u>I think of all the things that hurt me, makes me happy, or just anything under the sun.</u><br />
<br />
It's so funny how it seemed only yesterday that I thought of <b>that.</b> I thought of<b> running along the beach with you. </b>I thought of us <b>studying together. </b>I thought of us <b>enjoying the long ride ahead, singing to an old mix tape that you made for me. </b>I thought of us <b>staying up all night just talking over the phone.</b> I thought of us <b>going back to the orphanage to visit the kids. </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
It's so funny how now all I think about is almost everything except <b>you. You</b>. <i>The <b>last </b>thing on my mind. It's funny when I used to think of all those movie-like moments that we shared. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Now I know that it's true what <b>they </b>said. Feelings do <b>change </b>like the weather. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<b>The world shifted. The wind lifted. </b>Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-91314014489516724592013-09-13T06:11:00.000-07:002013-09-13T06:11:26.208-07:00And Its Sad When You Know It's Your Heart You Can't Trust.Today, this particular line of that song got stuck in my head. I can't get rid of it. I knew then that I would just have to blog about it.<br />
<br />
Heart. It pumps out the blood so that the blood can distribute nutrients needed by our body. That's the meaning scientifically, as I remembered. What is it really?<br />
<br />
For someone like me, its something that's very ironic, especially with the brain. The brain tells you this and that, the heart neglects it. Most of the time, that is. Its so hard to do something that's against either of it.<br />
<br />
As the title says,<b> its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust.</b> When you <b>feel something that you just don't understand, you just need an assurance so that you can trust it.<i> </i></b><i>Sometimes, even when you don't trust it to do so, it just does. That feeling of innocence and yet in the back of your mind you yourself was aware of the truth.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Its all in front of me, I see it. </i>But, <b>how come I can't stop hoping?<strike> How come I can't just stop hoping that you were feeling that for me too? </strike></b><br />
<b><strike><br /></strike></b>
Well, enough of me being pathetic over stuff.Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-37775652700597140422013-08-24T07:10:00.002-07:002013-11-06T06:03:33.213-08:00Take Me Back To That Time.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTfQMGK0-FJUoCfJNvCEvpqD7eUknu0SE8YHlhsX2bb84kqb2ymxJVEVbXbfbmcgrwLlQjQvtCRFPG-uoj6F3ZRiP5OUait9XihSoDGNUItOCQcyeTQm1ZNrT208Y6310lys0-qURpZMLZ/s1600/DSCN1588.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTfQMGK0-FJUoCfJNvCEvpqD7eUknu0SE8YHlhsX2bb84kqb2ymxJVEVbXbfbmcgrwLlQjQvtCRFPG-uoj6F3ZRiP5OUait9XihSoDGNUItOCQcyeTQm1ZNrT208Y6310lys0-qURpZMLZ/s320/DSCN1588.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<i>I want to go back to that time when all I ever worried about was the pouring rain.</i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
When I was younger, I always said that I wanted to be older. Now that I am older, I want to be younger.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I realized a lot of things while I was growing up. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
It's funny that when I think back to where I was a couple years back, I'd always remember those picture perfect memories of a carefree, laughing child version of me. I guess it was when everything was at the right place. I'll always remember the time when the only books I read were </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Charlie in the Chocolate Factory & Geronimo Stilton. That time of innocence when I always knew what to do with my life. That time when I was always sure of things. That time when trusting people wasn't such a hard thing to do. That time when I still believed in fairy tales, prince charmings, & damsels in distress. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Now that I'm a bit older, I just don't understand why things are like that. <strike>I don't know how I have learned to fake my smiles and to mask my feelings.</strike> I don't know how I turned out to be someone who find it hard to trust people.<i> I have always thought that people never walk away. I have always known that they were meant to stay. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Most of the times, I thought of running away. It was just to take all the bad stuff out . I want to run away from the things that hurt me. I want to run far far away so that I won't feel it. But then, He along with various people made me want to stay. He always reminded me that I am loved and even if I fail, He'll always do. He made me feel that all my prayers are heard. That this world only holds challenges so that I would be stronger.<br />
<br />
Now, with God I know I can do all things. While reading His Word, He answered a lot of questions. I somehow understand while all child grow up except for Peter Pan, that is. :))</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-42561801238193927962013-08-23T05:17:00.000-07:002013-08-23T05:26:12.948-07:00The Truth Is.I only stopped talking to you<br />
So that I won't hope anymore<br />
This is me accepting what is to come<br />
Accepting that its just not meant to be<br />
<br />
You're my friend, she is too<br />
I don't want to be the one to<br />
Disrupt you, that's all<br />
Besides all I know is that you're both happy now<br />
<br />
It may hurt<br />
Although I don't know when<br />
It will stop and I'll<br />
Be amazed by someone new<br />
<br />
The truth is I never wanted to let go of you<br />
I never wanted to erase those moments with you<br />
But then I never got that assurance from you<br />
I never knew what wass true<br />
<br />
You and me, like parallel lines<br />
Lines that never meet<br />
You showed signs but<br />
You never did see me<br />
<br />
I don't know how it came to this<br />
I guess I was just hoping you'll<br />
Say all those words that I long to hear<br />
All those feelings seem to have disappeared<br />
<br />
I never knew how you felt<br />
With just one glance I stole<br />
I feel a smile spreading<br />
Even if for you I knew that it just won't do<br />
<br />
This never happened to me before<br />
I guess you never really cared<br />
For me<br />
But you'll always be right here<br />
<br />
I never know just what to say<br />
Rainy days bring back those Thursdays<br />
I shared with you and will<br />
Forever be treasured<br />
<br />
A lot of questions<br />
On my mind<br />
Were never really answered<br />
But, honestly, its because I want to hear it from you<br />
<br />
Did I ever cross your mind?<br />
Or was that just me<br />
Countless times, I thought of you<br />
I always wished that you think of me too<br />
<br />
I waited for you to say something<br />
To show me that I was wrong to think that<br />
It was her who you thought of<br />
It was her who you feel for<br />
<br />
But you never did say anything to me<br />
I took it in a way that would be slow<br />
I guess I was blinded<br />
I knew then I needed space<br />
<br />
Space for me so I could think<br />
Distance maybe is all I need<br />
I'm still thinking of you<br />
But I'll always be guessing<br />
<br />
You'll always be in the back of my mind<br />
You'll always be the boy who saw me cry<br />
I waited and I guess I still am waiting<br />
For you to take me as me<br />
<br />
I never would have walked away<br />
But you never did ask me to stay<br />
You never did say anything<br />
You only stood there<br />
<br />
Someday I hope I'll understand<br />
How come you kept your mouth shut<br />
You never made a move<br />
And I never really knew<br />
<br />
Do you feel for me too?<br />
Or is there someone else for you<br />
I am waiting for an assurance<br />
But I guess that may never come<br />
<br />
I needed that<br />
I needed assurance<br />
I needed to know<br />
I needed the truth<br />
<br />
Lastly, the truth is<br />
I'm still here<br />
I'm still waiting<br />
Although there's nothing left for me to wait for<br />
<br />
I want you to know that<br />
I treasure you and all those moments<br />
We had on Thursdays<br />
I'll never forget<br />
<br />
To hold on or to let go<br />
I guess the second one suits me better<br />
After all, all I've been through is pouring rain<br />
I just thought you'll never give me pain<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-71271136826179831872013-07-18T07:22:00.000-07:002013-07-18T07:23:41.967-07:00Pouring My Heart Out.<i>We both know our own limitations<br />
That’s why we’re strong<br />
Now when we spend some time apart<br />
Wheeling each-other out of the dark, <br />
Cause we both know<br />
What mistake is (?)<br />
Won’t be scared now<br />
If I change the made-out yeah<br />
Change the made-out<br />
They could take us<br />
…<br />
Why can’t you see it?</i><br />
<i>- Colbie Caillat & Gavin DeGraw's We Both Know</i><br />
<br />
That song wraps up my thoughts about this someone. Here I am, being honest with what I feel. I don't know but somehow in some way I feel tied to you. I just can't let go. But who knows what'll tomorrow brings?<br />
<br />
<i>There are times when I really feel the need to hold on. There are times when I just wish I could let go. Opposing thoughts keep bugging me. I never let any of them win. But then there's this part of me that I just can't understand.</i><br />
<br />
<i>I thought maybe I was just amazed and carried away. But little did I know there was something more. Don't worry though, I'll keep my distance. I'll be the friend that you can always count on. </i><br />
<br />
<i>You'll be that friend whose always there for me when I'm sad. That friend who supports me in my endeavors.</i><br />
<br />
<i>You'll always be my friend. No matter what happens, I won't let this thing destroy what we have now. =) </i><br />
<br />
<i>Lastly, </i><br />
<i>I'm happy and contented with whatever we have now. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-61184257401298238182013-07-16T05:52:00.001-07:002013-07-16T05:52:08.276-07:00That Wildflower Out Somewhere.I love the day when we found out that we share a lot of similarities. That day, when we sang our hearts out because of things that complicate our lives as of the moment. And a lot of memories that are still clear in my mind. I miss those good old days that we shared.<br />
<br />
Whatever happened to the closeness that we have, I don't how it came to this . I don't even know now if you are true. There are times when you would look at me and tell me something and end with a never mind. You're hiding. I don't know why. Its not even necessary since I'm open to you.<br />
<br />
I pretended at those instances when you would tell me things that I don't want to hear. I listened and I masked my feelings. I know how you feel. But, is this the way that you would deal with this? Would you let our friendship be torned by your unchanging heart?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Wildflower</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A word for that distant wildflower</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Don't let your insecurities swallow you</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Don't let you feelings mislead you</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Don't fight with the free wind</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Without it, there won't be you</div>
<br />
<br />Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681706118554358040.post-62058130831426412082013-07-07T04:05:00.001-07:002013-07-07T04:05:20.255-07:00This Is What I Wrote.As I've said in my previous posts and poems, last summer was nice. I found missing parts of the puzzles that I'm trying to build. If I was to give a title to it, it would be "Search". Haha. I sort of know that its cliche to say that you found yourself at such a young age. But I didn't, really. I guess I found bits of who I want to be. And so I found this poem that I wrote and remembered again why I set such goals for myself. Here it goes.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Real</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And then she said it</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I realized my life isn't perfect anymore</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I don't get the simplest happiness</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Just the tearing pain of being alone and abandoned</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
That's what I realized</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I glanced upon what's in front of me</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I realized that maybe my life was destined to be this</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Realizing that, I confided all my blurry thoughts</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It all came to one conclusion</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have found contentment in my fragile human heart.</div>
Jassehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00423064079414443513noreply@blogger.com0