Something I've Held Onto For A While.

Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." This is one of my favorite verses. Thus, this is the verse that I hold onto for a while.

I have a lot of things that I want to do. I want to chase after my dreams. Although, as of now, I am encountering problems (mostly in Math) and I feel like my chances are fading. I've tried so hard but it just won't work. I've done so much work. I've spent hours studying it. The results, however are not so good at all. This discourages me. I know that its my fault for being overly careless but still how could this be? I thought to myself, "How could this be in God's plan?" and "Why am I keep on failing?". I just don't understand. Because of my low grade in Math, my average is pulled down. Its like everything I've worked hard for didn't even matter. It just hurts.

I believe that He answered it by the said verse. Whenever I think of negative stuff, it just goes off in my mind. It steadies my fragile human heart. The heart scares easily. In the back of my mind, I know that worrying won't have good effects on me. It will take action for something to change.

Folks, if you are going through something hard right now, hold onto this verse or any verse that you want.
Hold onto God who has plans for you. Hold onto Him during the happy times and the sad ones. Tell Him your thoughts. Thank Him for this wonderful life He has given you. Hold onto Him.

I hope that I won't give up. There are a lot of instances where I felt like giving up, but something in me just wants to keep on going. I don't know but despite all the bad stuff, I feel happy. I feel lighter.

Whatever it is that will happen, I hope that I'll be able to accept it. Whether it be good or bad, I just have to remind myself that God has a plan. Whatever it is, I know that at the end of the day,  God's plan will suit me perfectly.

Endless Thoughts.

Apart from my over thinking, I guess everything has changed a lot. These days, I felt lighter and free. I don't know if it's because of me letting go of the things that blinded me before. I have a problem of putting colors to things that make them special. But then, something opened my eyes to a whole new world. A whole new world where I was loved and I was free of the burden that I use to carry. 

I used to envy people who have things that I don't have. It was never about the material things, that was for sure. I envy them. I envy how they can defend themselves with words and physically. Instead, I was the one who had endless words on my mind. Mostly, I hid them. Although they don't appear as that, I do.

Whenever I was silent or anything, people would think that I am sad or disappointed. Truth is, I'm not. At some instances, maybe I was, but mostly its because I am currently thinking about something. I think of all the things that hurt me, makes me happy, or just anything under the sun.

It's so funny how it seemed only yesterday that I thought of that. I thought of running along the beach with you. I thought of us studying together. I thought of us enjoying the long ride ahead, singing to an old mix tape that you made for me. I thought of us staying up all night just talking over the phone. I thought of us going back to the orphanage to visit the kids. 

It's so funny how now all I think about is almost everything except you. You. The last thing on my mind. It's funny when I used to think of all those movie-like moments that we shared. 

Now I know that it's true what they said. Feelings do change like the weather. 

The world shifted. The wind lifted. 

And Its Sad When You Know It's Your Heart You Can't Trust.

Today, this particular line of that song got stuck in my head. I can't get rid of it. I knew then that I would just have to blog about it.

Heart. It pumps out the blood so that the blood can distribute nutrients needed by our body. That's the meaning scientifically, as I remembered. What is it really?

For someone like me, its something that's very ironic, especially with the brain. The brain tells you this and that, the heart neglects it. Most of the time, that is. Its so hard to do something that's against either of it.

As the title says, its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust. When you feel something that you just don't understand, you just need an assurance so that you can trust it. Sometimes, even when you don't trust it to do so, it just does. That feeling of innocence and yet in the back of your mind you yourself was aware of the truth.

Its all in front of me, I see it. But, how come I can't stop hoping? How come I can't just stop hoping that you were feeling that for me too?  

Well, enough of me being pathetic over stuff.

Take Me Back To That Time.

I want to go back to that time when all I ever worried about was the pouring rain.

When I was younger, I always said that I wanted to be older. Now that I am older, I want to be younger.

I realized a lot of things while I was growing up. 

It's funny that when I think back to where I was a couple years back, I'd always remember those picture perfect memories of a carefree, laughing child version of me. I guess it was when everything was at the right place. I'll always remember the time when the only books  I read were 

Charlie in the Chocolate Factory & Geronimo Stilton. That time of innocence when I always knew what to do with my life. That time when I was always sure of things. That time when trusting people wasn't such a hard thing to do. That time when I still believed in fairy tales, prince charmings, & damsels in distress. 

Now that I'm a bit older, I just don't understand why things are like that. I don't know how I have learned to fake my smiles and to mask my feelings. I don't know how I turned out to be someone who find it hard to trust people. I have always thought that people never walk away. I have always known that they were meant to stay. 

Most of the times, I thought of running away. It was just to take all the bad stuff out . I want to run away from the things that hurt me. I want to run far far away so that I won't feel it. But then, He along with various people made me want to stay. He always reminded me that I am loved and even if I fail, He'll always do. He made me feel that all my prayers are heard. That this world only holds challenges so that I would be stronger.

Now, with God I know I can do all things. While reading His Word, He answered a lot of questions. I somehow understand while all child grow up except for Peter Pan, that is. :))

The Truth Is.

I only stopped talking to you
So that I won't hope anymore
This is me accepting what is to come
Accepting that its just not meant to be

You're my friend, she is too
I don't want to be the one to
Disrupt you, that's all
Besides all I know is that you're both happy now

It may hurt
Although I don't know when
It will stop and I'll
Be amazed by someone new

The truth is I never wanted to let go of you
I never wanted to erase those moments with you
But then I never got that assurance from you
I never knew what wass true

You and me, like parallel lines
Lines that never meet
You showed signs but
You never did see me

I don't know how it came to this
I guess I was just hoping you'll
Say all those words that I long to hear
All those feelings seem to have disappeared

I never knew how you felt
With just one glance I stole
I feel a smile spreading
Even if for you I knew that it  just won't do

This never happened to me before
I guess you never really cared
For me
But you'll always be right here

I never know just what to say
Rainy days bring back those Thursdays
I shared with you and will
Forever be treasured

A lot of questions
On my mind
Were never really answered
But, honestly, its because I want to hear it from you

Did I ever cross your mind?
Or was that just me
Countless times, I thought of you
I always wished that you think of me too

I waited for you to say something
To show me that I was wrong to think that
It was her who you thought of
It was her who you feel for

But you never did say anything to me
I took it in a way that would be slow
I guess I was blinded
I knew then I needed space

Space for me so I could think
Distance maybe is all I need
I'm still thinking of you
But I'll always be guessing

You'll always be in the back of my mind
You'll always be the boy who saw me cry
I waited and I guess I still am waiting
For you to take me as me

I never would have walked away
But you never did ask me to stay
You never did say anything
You only stood there

Someday I hope I'll understand
How come you kept your mouth shut
You never made a move
And I never really knew

Do you feel for me too?
Or is there someone else for you
I am waiting for an assurance
But I guess that may never come

I needed that
I needed assurance
I needed to know
I needed the truth

Lastly, the truth is
I'm still here
I'm still waiting
Although there's nothing left for me to wait for

I want you to know that
I treasure you and all those moments
We had on Thursdays
I'll never forget

To hold on or to let go
I guess the second one suits me better
After all, all I've been through is pouring rain
I just thought you'll never give me pain

Pouring My Heart Out.

We both know our own limitations
That’s why we’re strong
Now when we spend some time apart
Wheeling each-other out of the dark,
Cause we both know
What mistake is (?)
Won’t be scared now
If I change the made-out yeah
Change the made-out
They could take us
…
Why can’t you see it?
- Colbie Caillat & Gavin DeGraw's We Both Know

That song wraps up my thoughts about this someone. Here I am, being honest with what I feel.  I don't know but somehow in some way I feel tied to you. I just can't let go. But who knows what'll tomorrow brings?

There are times when I really feel  the need to hold on. There are times when I just wish I could let go. Opposing thoughts keep bugging me. I never let any of them win. But then there's this part of me that I just can't understand.

I thought maybe I was just amazed and carried away. But little did I know there was something more. Don't worry though, I'll keep my distance. I'll be the friend that you can always count on. 

You'll be that friend whose always there for me when I'm sad. That friend who supports me in my endeavors.

You'll always be my friend. No matter what happens, I won't let this thing destroy what we have now. =) 

Lastly,
I'm happy and contented with whatever we have now. 

That Wildflower Out Somewhere.

I love the day when we found out that we share a lot of similarities. That day, when we sang our hearts out because of things that complicate our lives as of the moment. And a lot of memories that are still clear in my mind. I miss those good old days that we shared.

Whatever happened to the closeness that we have, I don't how it came to this . I don't even know now if you are true. There are times when you would look at me and tell me something and end with a never mind. You're hiding. I don't know why. Its not even necessary since I'm open to you.

I pretended at those instances when you would tell me things that I don't want to hear. I listened and I masked my feelings. I know how you feel. But, is this the way that you would deal with this? Would you let our friendship be torned by your unchanging heart?

Wildflower

A word for that distant wildflower

Don't let your insecurities swallow you

Don't let you feelings mislead you

Don't fight with the free wind

Without it, there won't be you