Bye Bye, 2013!!!

Hey there. I apologize by the way. I know I've been posting pathetic stuff lately. I really am very sorry. I hope you understand though. I guess its a teen phase that I'm going through.

Years come and go. People aren't designed to remember every detail of their lives per year. And yes, I am one of those who think this sucks. I mean, I guess its nice to forget the things that you want to forget, but it would be really cool to remember just about everything, right?

This year brought a lot of the good stuff despite of all the bad stuff that it brought  along with all those -good stuff. On the bright side, this year I learned so much. With the help of my friend Kath, I learned how to play the volleyball. I still remember how I struggled to learn but it was worth it. I won't ever forget how she named me the "moon player" in the team. Well, I improved a lot according to her. In either ways, I hope she knows how grateful I am that she taught me how to play. With Faith, my other friend, I learned how to dance. It also helped that I started to dance last summer, this happened as I helped in our church's Vacation Bible School. They needed back up dancers and I landed the job. I would love to put up all my 'learnings' this year but I'm afraid I'd bore you into details. :))

The bad stuff also happened. Unfortunately, I still am hanging by a thread in my Math subject. I don't blame my teacher. I mean if anything, she's nothing but a big help with all the troubles I'm having. I'm striving hard to get my average to meet the standards. Not to brag but, I'm doing pretty well with all my other subjects except Math. Well, I hope I pass because I think that I really deserve it. I worked really hard. Also, that includes fighting off the urge of giving up and sleepless nights of studying all the needed formulas and practicing online just to have a fair score in quizzes. The last part didn't pay off though. I hardly passed any quiz.

In a nutshell, this is a fair year. The only thing is that I didn't get a hang of my spending habit yet. Right now, I only have a few bucks left. Its not that I'd starve or anything, its just I find it really hard to go somewhere and not buy something. I hate to admit, but buying books using my allowance really made a hole in my wallet. Recently, I bought all the five books in the The Mortal Instruments Series. I started reading it 22nd of December and finished it by today. It was worth reading and I will read it again in summer although it made me spend my January allowance leaving only a few bucks. Whether it be nice pens or notebooks or books or some vintage stuff or any guitar accessory, that's when I can't resist to spend. Well, I hope I could get rid of my spending habit this coming year.

Good and bad things happen every year. What I learned is that God does everything for a reason. With everything that I've been through this year, I thank Father for always being there to listen and help me. He never failed to show me the way to find Light even through the darkest of times. Thank You, Lord.

That's it, I guess. Bye bye, 2013!

That Photo.

I don't like hurting myself. But I found myself looking at that photo over and over again. You were with her. And, that photo made me realize how we just couldn't be.

Its sad, isn't it? Liking someone who won't ever like you back. I know I've been wasting my time daydreaming that in some way we could. But now, I had concluded the answer. That is impossible. In another time, in another place, maybe it will. Just maybe.

However, its so ironic how when I wanted to see you, I don't see you. Now that I don't want to see you, I always do.

I Walked Away.

These are the reasons why I walked away.

Dear person-who-I-actually-liked-but-I-caused-you-pain,

When I told you that, I was telling the truth. I was feeling the same way. At that time, I was sure of what I felt. But then, life happened. My feelings changed. And, I'm sorry for hurting you. I want you to know that that is one thing I swear I never wanted to do. But despite all that, I did anyway. And, I am really sorry.

Thank you for forgiving me for all I've done to you. Up to this time, I still feel the guilt pounding on me. Until now, I haven't told you the truth. My reason is that, I don't want you to have false hope. I don't want to hurt you again. This is because I know how it feels like to be hurt. I know how it feels like to like someone who doesn't like you back. But, you're wrong. I liked you too. I just didn't want our friendship to be ruined. I was selfish enough to want to hurt you so that I could keep you.

I am grateful for you. I won't forget how you smiled in that photo. I won't forget how you carried my stuff. I won't forget how you made me feel wanted. I won't forget how you were my source of happiness when were 12. I won't forget how you took care of me when I was sick. Lastly, I won't forget how you carried me on your back even when I was heavy. 

Lots of love, 

Me. 

How Could I Not Fall For You.

How could I not fall for you
When you've fallen for me

How could I not see through
When you're right in front of me

How could I not treasure you
When I know you care for me

How could I be blinded
When you were the sunshine who gave me the reason to smile

How could I ever forgive myself for what I've done to you
When I always hurt you though I never wanted to

How could I not fall for you
When you've given me all the reasons to like you too

Sadly, I Will Never Be.

Sadly, I will never be your Gwen Stacy
All I ever was, was a passerby

Sadly, I will never be the one to pour you coffee
All I ever was, was an acquaintance

Sadly, we can never be meant to be
All I ever was, was the lonesome girl in the movies

Sadly, I will never be the one to sing you to sleep
All I ever was, was the one who wanted you to be happy

Sadly, I will never be your queen
All I ever was, was a damsel in distress

Sadly, I will never be the one for you
All I ever was, was an ordinary hue

Sadly, I will never be the one to see the stars with you
All I ever was, was the one who longed for you

Sadly, I will never be the one to share memories with you
All I ever was, was the one not meant for you

How I Never Wanted To Give Up

I never meant to feel dumb
I never meant to fail
I never meant to cause you disappointment
I never meant to make you sad

All the choices I made, I wasn't being careful
I try to, Heaven knows I did
I did the best I could
But as you see, it's never enough

Expectations I had for myself were achievable
You never expected something from me
But I wanted to reward you in that way
I wanted to make you proud

All I was as a kid was a smart one, you could tell
Now I am a bit grown up, I am not so sure
I want to prove myself
I want to be happy again

But how could I be happy
This world is tearing me down
I stumble and I fell over and over
I just want it to end.